isn't it funny

well, i guess ive been doing so bad at this lately that i'm trying to make up for it now, or maybe i'm just that bored.

it's funny to me to this about when people actually feel like their life is beginning. is it when you graduate high school, get a real job, get married, whats the answer. i'm not writing this as though i have one...i'm actually trying to figure out what it is. why is it that we are always looking for something new to happen or to get to the next thing before we are satisfied or feel like we are grown up? what about the actual process of growing.

the whole time that i was at n.ga, my mom kept saying that she couldn't wait for me to grow up...but what does that mean exactly...b/c i feel like i learned more about myself and life during that time then any other part. and guess what...now i'm done with college and i still don't feel like i am "grown" i mean i am just now getting started in a job and still not making any money or being able to afford living on my own...so what does that make me? still a kid?

so what makes you grown? is it age or life experience?

Adventures of my prince charming.

So, for my birthday this year, my sweet angel boyfriend got me a puppy. His name is Pablo, and I am totally and completely obssessed with him!! Oh my gosh.

I always wanted a dog. You know, one that you can hold and carry around in your purse and snuggle on the couch with and things of that nature...little did I know what I was really in store for. This little man is the love of my life...but a holy terror!! wow

Problem number one has been potty training. I think its nothing short of impossible. At first we were trying to pad trian him but after he was totally not getting it and peeing EVERYWHERE!! We decided that it would probably be better to let him pee outside. That was until we are the ones having to take him outside and its SNOWING, haha I would rather him pee in the house. And even when he does go outside...in like two seconds he still will poop inside, so if any one has any insite to this problem, it would be sooo greatly appreciated!

But other then this, he is a precious little angel and I don't remember where my life was without him.

Yesterday he got kicked out of wal-mart. more to come on that later :)

XOXO

Changing lives.

Life changes so quickly. There are so many things that I had planned on when I started this blog this time last year. Friends change, families change, even enemies change.

I am almost done with cosmetology school now, only one more 10 week session and I will be out and taking the test to have my liscense. I actually never thought I would be done with school, this is a 7 year stretch. I have the best job in the world at an amazing salon in Buford and I am slowly but surely gaining a clientel...very slowly. I know God with be faithful though and this is where I feel that I am supposed to be. I have so many amazing things in my life to be thankful for. I have the most amazing man in my life. I have never seen someone that loves Jesus more in my life. I can tell the devil is strongly working in my life sometimes when it comes to our relationship... Sometimes it drives me crazy with how much he wants to talk about God and things like that. Its what I have always wanted... and nowwww I just know the devil is doing everything in his power to take control of this situation.

However, in the friends department, I definately seem to be lacking. Maybe that is how God wants it. I am trying to steer clear of the alcohol and the weed and things of that nature. I am really doing well when its just matt and i, but the friends that I have seem to only want to do that. I don't want to act like I am better then them, or that I am condiming them but I just know that if I am around things like that then I"m not going to be able to say no like that. It won't be easy so I just don't want to put myself in that situation and they just don't understand. I would rather just hang out with them and do things like just the girls or even just watch a movie or something but I don't wnat to do anything with alcohol or anything like that. I know I'm not perfect but It just makes it harder when everyone else is doing things that I am trying not to do.

Life is just full of changes and sometimes you realize what you are all about as a person when things are the worst that they could possibly get. I want 2011 to be another year of change for me. I want to God to reveal things to me that I never would have imagined.

This could be amazing <3>

Next uppppp....The stories of the babyyyy

Real Life Lived

How can you really have a real life if you are confused about the will of God within you. The only time that you will really be able to live a real life is when you know that you are following the plan that God has for you. He has already planned out your life, that is the only way that you are going to be satisfied and genuinely happy...when you are living the one that has already been planned.

Lately I have been struggling with knowing that I am at the center of Gods will. I sometimes feel that I can't hear him, and have often been scared that He has just given up on me all together. But in my readings today, he has reassured me that He is always there for the people that honestly seek him. (Deut. 4:29 From there you will search again for the Lord your God. And if you search of him with all your heart and soul, you will find him.) But the main question that I have been plagued with lately is...Am I listening for what I want to hear, or am I really listening for his will? Am I honestly seeking him?

Of course, as humans, we want to know that the things that we want or are seeking are good and ok. I want to know that what I am going to school for is part of his plan for me, and that the man that I'm dating is who he has for me...things of that nature. But what if he says no. Are we really willing to give up our job, or security, our mate and say ok God-take me, start over in my and make me a new creation in you. I feel like we don't really grasp the concept of that change that would take place. We would have to be like the deciples. What if God came to you and said do this- leave where you are, don't take the time to say goodbye to anyone, don't go pack, don't fill up your car with gas, in fact don't even take your car... just follow my instructions and GO. Leave everything you know behind and FOLLOW ME. Would we really be willing to do that.

The honest truth about it is most of us-including myself-would probably argue about it. Try to negotiate our own ways into the situation. And the beauty of God is that He would let that happen...But then you would not be living the most fufilling life that is possible for you. You would be changing it into your way with your own spices added in. The trick is saying-OK God- I know that your way is best. I relenquish ALL control of my situation and my life and I give up anything that I want for my life to follow your will. To be able to live my BEST life.

Personally, I want to seek God new everyday. I want to know what he wants for me and my future, but I also want to be able to follow it when I see it. We all know that Gods way is best, but its not always the easiest. My prayer today is for myself as well as you. Start over- begin today to die to yourself and your own selfish desires and want Gods over your own.

Lord- my prayer today is to hear

your will for me. I give up my

own selfish hopes and desires

to surrender to your perfect

plan for my life!

Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ: the life I now live is not my life, but the life which Christ lives in me; and my present bodily life is lived by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself up for me."

Deserving

What do we as people think that we actually deserve? Out of life, love, circumstances...GOD? Why in that world do we think that we deserve anything? Compared to God and many other things for that matter, we as people are nothing. It doesn't really matter how much or how little we have to offer, none of it even matters in comparison. I find my self wanting things and asking God for things, I get frustrated like a little kid when I don't get an answer-and especially when his answer is no. But why do I even think I deserve an answer at all.

I know so many times in my life that I have just basically slapped God in the face. My body is supposed to be a temple that he lives in...and what I have given him is a run down shack. actually probably a few pieces of cardboard that I have put together so he can cover up his head. I can't even give him a descent place to dwell and I expect him to help me with things and provide for my life. WHAT?!!

I even need help loving him more. I want to start a fire. I want to be passionate about the time that I spend with him every day-like not be able wait to wake up so I can talk to him. I find myself always wanting a man and to be in love and loved unconditionally...I have that with God! I just chose not to think that it is enough. We could have such a love affair with Him if we just chose to. He is ALWAYS there, so we would never have to be lonely, He would never ignore our phone call, He could provide anything that we need, hold us when we go to sleep, be there to talk to about absolutely anything. We just have to let that be enough.

This is what I need to learn. He is all that I need. Until this is the way that I am living, I do not even derserve for him to know my name. He did so much for me before I even claimed him as my father and now that I do, I still act like he is not enough.

My prayer today Lord is to change me (once again I am asking for something) Change my heart God and even the way that I think. I shouldn't drink or put things in my body that are harmful and the only reason that I need is that its yours. Really it doesn't even belong to me! I wouldn't want people putting poison into the house that I live in. I would move out! Reveal something to be to tell me that you are still there. That you haven't given up on me yet, then set a fire in my heart and consume my soul.

Something blue:: Something new

Can you just become something new?

I want to change everything about what is going on with my life. I want to change everything from my wardrobe to my God time. I need to spend way more time with my God, maybe that is why I am having feelings like this. Why can I not just realize that he wants to spend every second of everyday with me and wants me to be so obsessed with him that its ridiculous. I know that I disappoint him everyday. I wine, I complain, I say things I shouldn't, I think mean thoughts, smoke, drink, don't apreciate...so many things that just need to change. I need to change my habits. I need to start taking my vitamins and getting up at a descent hour. Start working out consistantly and eating better and at better times.

I want to start a prayer journal and see if things really begin to look up in my life and how long it takes. I mean, don't get me wrong...my life is not that bad. It just could be better and that is alll on me. The only reason its not at it's best is becuase of the choices that I make. I would be skinnier and happier if I didn't drink and made time to workout and took my vitamins like I was supposed to. And I would spend more time with my God if I woke up earlier and got things done. I also have the best friends in the world that know that the decisions in my life right now aren't the best ones that I could be making. Doing things for guys just to get their attention and wanting to hang out and feel needed at any means nessesary. Thats ridiculous.

I am however proud of what I am doing with my life and it can only get better from here. I made pretty good grades in school this term. They could have been better, but they are the best that they have been in a while. And I love my job and have been doing really well there. I am growing and taking on responsibilities...hopefully that will mean more money on my next paychecks- bringing me to the next issue...

Saving money. I wet through all of my savings within the last few months of not making the best paycchecks. I was still living like I was making a ton of money and I definately wasn't. Which also left no room for my tithe. Another thing that I was taking away from God.

Soooo these are the things that need to be changed. Fixed. and Removed.

Good thing I have amazing faith in my God and his love :)

What is Grace?

What is GRACE really? You hear through God's word that you have been saved by grace, not of anything that you can do yourself. But what does this mean. Is it simply God's love? And how many forms of grace are there.



When I think of the word grace, the verse Ephesians 2:8 comes to mind. It was a very significant tatoo on someones arm and is a passage that has stuck with me over the last year. You can only come to the Father through his GRACE. But how many forms does that take? And how does God show His unwavering grace to us?



The definition that I have found of "GRACE" is 1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion. 2. A sense of fitness or 3. A temporary immunity or exemption.



So there are many ways that grace can be defined and seen in the world and in people. I feel like I am experiencing so much grace in my life right now through all of these way. There seems to be a beauty that cannot be explained in the people in my life and the shapes that situations are taking. Things are falling into place in a beautiful and effortless way. Thing are walking in, and out of my life and it is all happening as if I am in a dream. Sometimes I feel that I have no control over the way things are going, but then I look around and I don't really want to. I love that I feel that there is a higher power putting the puzzel of my life together just the way that he has it planned. I have learned from my mistakes and the times when I took the decision into my own hand, that it has turned out horribly and in no way that outcome that I had in my own mind. But when I know that the things at hand are out of my control and all I can do is sit back and watch my life unfold, there is an overwhelming sense of peace. This has been something extremly hard for me to learn, not only with life experiences but with guys, family, and probably every other aspect as well. But God has never ceased to show me the right way. And that his amazing grace is the only way that things will pull themselves together.



I also feel the grace through my friends and relationships that I have made. Being single is something that I have never really experienced until this last year. I was (yes that girl) that always had the boyfriend or the relationship and was always looking for the way to feel like I "belonged" and that usually had to mean to someone. God has shown me many things over this last year of being completely on my own though. 1. Friends are his gift to us. They show us and teach us things and give us advice that no other person in our life can do. You can have experiences with them that far outweigh anything that you could do with just one significant other. You can get a look into an intamate side of other peoples lives. 2. Everything (I mean ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING) happens for a reason. There is nothing in your life that doesn't teach you something, whether it be good or bad, you will learn from it. You learn who your friends are, you learn how to let go, you learn who will be there for you and how to be there for others, you learn how to be alone and be ok with who you are, and you learn how to move on. Sometimes you can feel like everything is going your way and nothing could be wrong with this...then the rug is pulled out from under you, maybe this is God saying you are ready for the hardwood floor :) You never know, things might come back around and be better then you could have ever dreamed about.



The last and most important from these definitions that I have found are the temporary immunity or exemption that God shows us. What in the world would we do if God judged us for every little thing that we did wrong. Our lives would be a constant termoil. He shows us this through our friends too, and our parents. There are times I know that I have hurt someones feelings or done something for myself not thinking of how it was going to make others feel. This are times when I have experiencd grace and forgivness. Just living life everyday for examply. The bible says that the penalty for our sins should be death. I would have been dead and age 1 when I told my mom that she couldn't tell me what to do..(not much has changed) But God took these penalties away from me and gave me life, to show his grace to me.



Through His GRACE, he gave us life, a life all our own. There is nothing the same about any of us and we are all here to learn from each other and help each other, to love to laugh, to teach, to preach, to open doors for ourselves and others and sometimes close them so that other ones can be opened for us. We should live each day thinking about the GRACE that we have been given and that we can give to others.



Forgive people. Love people. Change people



XO-C