Deserving

What do we as people think that we actually deserve? Out of life, love, circumstances...GOD? Why in that world do we think that we deserve anything? Compared to God and many other things for that matter, we as people are nothing. It doesn't really matter how much or how little we have to offer, none of it even matters in comparison. I find my self wanting things and asking God for things, I get frustrated like a little kid when I don't get an answer-and especially when his answer is no. But why do I even think I deserve an answer at all.

I know so many times in my life that I have just basically slapped God in the face. My body is supposed to be a temple that he lives in...and what I have given him is a run down shack. actually probably a few pieces of cardboard that I have put together so he can cover up his head. I can't even give him a descent place to dwell and I expect him to help me with things and provide for my life. WHAT?!!

I even need help loving him more. I want to start a fire. I want to be passionate about the time that I spend with him every day-like not be able wait to wake up so I can talk to him. I find myself always wanting a man and to be in love and loved unconditionally...I have that with God! I just chose not to think that it is enough. We could have such a love affair with Him if we just chose to. He is ALWAYS there, so we would never have to be lonely, He would never ignore our phone call, He could provide anything that we need, hold us when we go to sleep, be there to talk to about absolutely anything. We just have to let that be enough.

This is what I need to learn. He is all that I need. Until this is the way that I am living, I do not even derserve for him to know my name. He did so much for me before I even claimed him as my father and now that I do, I still act like he is not enough.

My prayer today Lord is to change me (once again I am asking for something) Change my heart God and even the way that I think. I shouldn't drink or put things in my body that are harmful and the only reason that I need is that its yours. Really it doesn't even belong to me! I wouldn't want people putting poison into the house that I live in. I would move out! Reveal something to be to tell me that you are still there. That you haven't given up on me yet, then set a fire in my heart and consume my soul.