Thursday, November 19, 2009

Lay it down.

I have this amazing feeling right now. I am sitting in my room, quietly...having some one on one God time. I really have felt him with me lately. It almost just brought me to tears. Sitting here all alone and I can feel His arms around me. I can feel him telling me to Trust in Him. He is all I need.

So often I find myself feeling that I need to "hear" an answer or actually be able to see something for it to be real to me. Its FAITH. I have God, He is all I do and EVER WILL need. It's TRUST. Knowing that He is there and is always with me. I find my self running to my phone and needing someone to talk to, I hate feeling alone. But the truth is, I am never alone. God is always right beside me, always there to listen. I know this is such elementary stuff. But sometimes I just feel that every thing is crashing down around me. I feel that I had everything figured out and new where my life was about to take me. No suprises. But God is just full of them. I literally feel like He just said..."oh wait, you think you had it figured out without me. Ha"

I need to go back to the beginning. I need to learn how to fully just rely on Him. and His amazing words. I know that He has an answer for everything. Why do I take so much time to hurt and feel sorry for myself when I could be using that time to look to God and dig into His word and find all of the answers that I am looking for.

No more excuses.

I will live my life for my amazing Father. He can take it from here...

Monday, November 16, 2009

You are God and I am man...

...I leave it all in your hands.
I am slowly but surely moving along with my life. I think I have a date this week, and I had a really amazing date with God on Sunday. The pastor is preaching and going through each verse of Palm 23! It is so great and was exactly what I needed to hear. God is always there. Sometimes we just forget. But he will never leave. Guys some point or another. AlWaYs. God is AlWaYs there.

Sometimes that's all you need to hear!


Thursday, November 12, 2009


Soooooo... I finally got out of the house last night!

And I'm going out with some friends again tonight. This should be fun.
Trying to move on with your life is hard. But I can't wait to be happy with myself.
I don't want to feel like I have to have a guy to make myself happy.
All I need is God and myself. And my friends of course.
I love pink. I love big sunglasses. I love shopping. I love kisses & hugs. I love chocolate. I love zebra print. I love Christmas. I love stars and big flowers. I love God. I love nature.
Here's to being happy today! :)
James 1:2-4

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Won't - stop!! grrrrr!!
I wanna be a designer-but I can't draw...
What to do What to do What to do.
I think I'm gonna move to my Grandma's in Dublin. Start a new life.
A new everything.

How To Start Over...

So, how do you just learn to let go and start over with your life when you feel that everything you thought was so perfect just seems to all fall apart at one time. I thought that I had everything so figured out and I knew the perfect plan and where my life was going, then all of the sudden out of no where, it is all taken out from under me. I feel like this is just a dream and everything will be ok, but then I wake up and realize that it is the same every single day. I don't know where to pick up and just start over. I try to just let it go and then I only make it half way through the day before I have to break down. Take a step back and start over. And to top it off, this whole day has been raining and dark and ugly. This doesn't help and it is making me so sad. I haven't gotten out of the bed all day. I am so tired of throwing myself this pitty party.

I am a good person. I have a good heart and I know that my life with end up in a god place. But what I don't know is how to make it get there. I put to much faith in other people. And I know that has been part of my problem in where I am right now. I have always had a boyfriend...and I put all of my faith and trust in them to take care of me. I have always put them before my friends and wanted to spend all of my time in their arms. And I know that this is why I am in this position today.

I need to find myself. I don't know where to get started. I want to put my life so far behind me. I want to just let go of my past and all the screwups and hurts and lost friends and loves that have gotten me to this point and just start over. How do I do this.

How do you just let yourself start over like nothing has ever gotten in your way before this point?