I have been beginning to think that I am in the midst of a midlife crisis. To most people this may seem strange, however, I am almost sure. Not that I have had one before to know excactly what one would feel like, but the emotional breakdowns are ridiculous.

I just 2.5 short weeks, I will be 25. My life is probably about as far as one could possibly get from where I thought that my life would be at this point in time. in my own mind, I would be married by 21 maybe have a kid or two by now with a loving husband, a career, and a cute little house that was just perfect for my family. Where I find myself, however, is completely single, working 2 jobs, and living in my parents basement. When is there going to be a break for someone like me?

If anyone has any thoughts or help. please please please let me know before I go out and buy a crazy new car or something that I will never be able to afford :) thanks

mercy.

I know what is right and wrong. I have been raised in a family of Christians and a father that has instilled the value of integrity and character and how much they mean to a person. Yet I continue to find myself in situations that leave me thinking, "how did I get here," and "why do I think this is fun?" I have found myself lately so un-worthy of God's mercy that is continuously given to me.

So, how, knowing this, can I continuously put myself in situations that warrents needing his grace every morning. But one thing that I cannot imagine is living a life and not knowing what His grace feels like. I wake up each morning with certain regrets, but know that I can take those to the Father in prayer and that he will give me to strength to make it through the day knowing that the sins that I commit are already covered under the fact that he paid for all of them on the cross for me. personally.

money. money. money. money. money

have you ever seriously thought about the fact that you cant really servive without money. i am sitting here at work right now and i have had one haircut and am now just sitting and waiting for one more haircut that is coming at the end of my day. it is so frustrating to me to think that i went to school, found a job, and work 6 days a week... my last paycheck was 222.43. can someone please explain that to me? i am getting a little better, i usually have around 2 clients a day, but still... i feel like most people my age are making money and moving out and getting married... but i feel that i am still behind. i know that i have heard it takes around 2 years to build up a clientel so maybe i am being super impatient but its making me nervous. i didnt account for this on my 2 year plan. but at least im not the only one that is sitting back here and the others definitely have more experience then me so idk if that should make me feel better, like its not just me or worse like idk if it will get better. so i guess we will keep posted.

i know that god says that you should keep your identity in him and not worry about other peoples lives, but i cant help but be frustrated that others lives are moving so much faster then mine...

choices

oooemmgeee

Well oporation get my butt in shape is not working out today as well as I would have hoped. Why can I never get things right when it comes to losing weight. maybe its because i will work ouit for a week and then feel an inch smaller and be done. so, this is my last shred of laziness- goal for the summer, lose 20 lbs.

ready...

go

For the love of love

My life has been consumed with weddings lately. It seems that every where I turn someone else is engaged, their wedding is this week or they are on their honeymoon. I'm super excited for all of these people, most of them are my closest friends...but I can't help but be disappointed in myself at the same time. All of this is just everything that I had planned for my own life by this time. Its really hard for me to realize that I'm almost twenety five and have 2 year plan or really any plan at all when it comes to knowing when or if I will ever get married. I don't know if its jealousy or stress or just wishing that I had someone to go to sleep with every night and wake up to every morning and spend all of my time with and thinking about.
Times like this are when I'm glad that I have God and a hope. I know that His plan is better then mine. And maybe I am doing something wrong as to where God doesn't want to bless me with the desires of my heart.
So that leaves me now to try and figure out what to do now. Should I keep my 2 year plan or give it up and just roll with whatever. I hate being out of control but maybe that is what I'm supposed to be learning right now...
we will see
-C

{CHanGE}

Something amazing happened in my life this weekend. In the midst of the worst possible day ever, I realized exactly the change that needs to take place in my life.
I don't feel like I have ever honestly heard the voice of God so clearly as I did yesterday. When I totally thought that I was broked beyond the point of return and there was no way that this could get better, regretting going home to face real people, I heard Him.
I have longed for so long to hear God speak. I listen to people all the time tell me that they heard God say this and God spoke to them in this way. I was beginning to doubt my salvation because I could never remember a time that I actually heard God speak to me. But yesterday, I did. "Everything is going to be ok, but these things need to change."
It's incredible to me to know that I serve a God that can take something that you never think you will be able to get out of and make it the most amazing experience of your life. And now that I'm home, the things that he said are coming true. He is also a helpful God, He knows exactly the things that are hard for me to do on my own and he is taking the steps to remove those things from my life.
I have heard storys like this all of my life but I have never experience it for myself until yesterday and today. I truely serve the most phenominal God ever!! I could not be more excited about the friendships and the changes that are coming out of this situation.

Please pray for me as I continue to pursue these changes and steps in my life!!

Tests of true faith

When do you think that God has the best outcome in His plan for you? It seems so easy to see God's grace and the good in all of the things around you when things are going the way that you want them to. But maybe, have you ever thought that they could be heading the way that you wanted...but just not taking the same path that you would have taken?! And most of the time, that is our fault.

I have learned more about this fact in the last year then I have in the last 23 of my life. I knew what my outcome was going to be. And I knew exactly how I was going to get there...on my own terms. It never crossed my mind that just becuase you feel that you know God's outcome plan for your life doesn't mean you are on the same page about how to get there.

I thought I had things figured out with the fact that I was going to college in a small little town and getting a business degree and then going to hair school and opening a salon and living the sweet little life that I had planned out for myself. The only thing that I actually got right about that was the fact that God wanted me to show His love to others by bringing out the beauty that He gave them and teaching them how to live with that everyday. While in college, i could never get on the right track! I changed my major so many times continually telling myself that I couldn't figure out God's plan for my life and questioning whether there really was one, when really the only problem was that I couldn't stay away from the bar long enough to even remember what I was praying to have answered, much less be able to hear God's voice in answeing it. I was constantly jumping from group to group, from friend to friend, and from boy to boy just to find answers and a purpose. The only voice of God that I could hear between hangovers was the best friend that he put in my life to help keep this whole mess straight. He knew I needed this from the beginning when he put her in my life first semester or freshman year...it was like he knew before it even started that my life was about to get a little more than chaotic... This was NOT God's road plan to my outcome. In my shallow thinking through this whole thing, I was just a young college kid having fun and nothing was hurting anyone...But I can't even imagine how much damage I caused to people around me not to mention to myself.

My point in writing this is to get it in words. Not only for myself, but maybe to help someone else. Sometimes you can get off the path. And sometimes its really easy to feel that you are just making your own way or that what you do while you are young doesn't matter as long as it works out for you in the end. This is not true. The tests of true faith happen when you are young. Its easier to have blind faith when you are a child and you don't have problems of your own to decifer through. And when you are older and it is more acceptable to live by your beliefs. But for those of us who are young, struggling to find our way in this world and make new beginnings for ourselves; Don't stray from the path that you started when you were that young child with blind faith. God has given you a path and an outcome and He has made the way to get there one that will do nothing but good for you and bring you to your dreams, the trick is to continually follow him. Make the decisions to put your faith in Him and only Him when you are young. This way, you won't make the same mistakes that I did and try to make your own way so much so that you can't even hear His voice for your paths anymore.

It is true that He will never leave you and that when you make the decisions to make your way back He will be there for you with open arms. But my advice, make that decision sooner rather then later!

These are the tests of true faith to me. When you are young and things are harder to figure out...what do you do? Are these the times when you feel He has your best outcomes in His plans...or are these the times that you give up and try to figure them out for yourself?!

::jealousy::

Is jealousy normal? This is the question that has been on my mind lately.
Matt is constantly telling me that I should be more content with the things that I have and the way that my life is going. I always want the nicest things and the best things and with my budget...or lack of at the moment, it is just not possible. Its really not that I dont' appreciate what I have though. Its that I one day dream of having more. I know that I can't have certain things right now. I am 24 years old and with all of the set backs that have come across...I am just now stating out in my career path.

But going to all of my friends baby and wedding showers. planning my best friends wedding. looking at pictures of people's new babies and decorating friends houses...not to mention in the hair business hearing all of the stories of wedding plans and babies on the way. I'm jealous.

Happy Wednesday

ok! This is day 3 of the fast and I'm starving...maybe if I could get my mind off of food and actually spend some time with God things would make sense. Being snowed in for 3 days when all I want to do is eat really isn't helping either! I am so ready for God to do something big and amazing in my life. I know that people are saying this all the time...but I really feel like 2011 is going to be the most incredible year of my life. Everything seems to be going great so far and I have never had things so together in my life. I have an overwhelming desire to hear HIS voice and do something amazing to serve my Lord. I feel a major call to do something BIG but right now I am just believing God for some direciton.

WITH THIS FAST I am trusting God to completely align my path with his. I am praying for my finances with my job, that he will give me a HUGE opportunity to serve him, and that the main desire of my heart with come true this year.

Its time for something big to happen in my life. I will be 25 this year and I'm ready to do things on my own. Things that ONLY GOD can open up.

I can't wait <3

::Life in Lessons:: 2010

It's hard to say where I should even begin when it comes to the lessons that I have learned in 2010 and how much my life has changed. I'm pretty certain in my ability to say that this is the year that God showed me what it really means to live a life consumed with Him and his will. My life will never be the same!!!

Starting last January, I learned what it really means to be alone and fully rely on God for my purpose. Before this year, i thought that I could put my God on the back burner. I could party now and do whatever made me happy in the moment and God would still be there when I felt like it was time for me to re-introdce the father into my life. I thought it was totally fine if i did what I wanted and lied to my parents and my friends. It was no big deal as long as I had a boy and was happy with myself then everything was totally fine and God would be there when I was ready. How could I have ever expected the Lord to take over my life the way he has.

Last Christmas I lost something that I thought was the most important thing in my life. It was soimething that I would was more perfect than anything I could have imagined but while I was living my life to make myself happy, suddenly, it was gone. It was at that point that everything changed and embarked on my most life changing year!!

In Febuary, I celebrated my very first Valentine's day as a single girl. It's kinda sad to say that I was 23 years old before I realized what it really meant to be romanced by my savior. Now I didn't exactly spend it totally single....I did spend it with the most amazing freinds ever! But there wasnt just me and a guy. For once. I finally realized that it was a little easier to actually wholly spend time with my God when i wasn't consumed with a guy to make all of my needs met and entertain me at the same time.

In march..things honestly starting to take a turn for the old. I began to lost focus, and miss my old friend and my old life. I do, however think this is a little normal. Most of the time, when you being to gove up everything that you thought was normal and changed your whole view of normality. I still didn't have a job, or a boyfriend and my friends were beginning to go out all of the time...so it was compleltly normal right? wrong. I needed prayer. Then came April.

I finally got a new job!!!! And I started school. Things were starting to look up and I began to realize that maybe my plan and God's plan really were in sync. I then realized that more struggles were only to come. When you are doing Gods will and striving for his perfect plan in your life, the devil desires to take full control. This became the main struggle for me with the people that I was now working with and going to school with. I don't want to list out the things that were important to these people or the things that they were doing that was so tempting to the person that I used to be. So these next few months did prove to be that much of a struggle.

Through May, June and July...there was just school, work, and haning out with my best friends. We went to the beach and did random things till all hours of the night...ya know, just being 20 somethings. haha.

And in June, in the midst of all of this...God brought the most amazing man into my life. He isn't perfect, no one is. But he is everything that I could have ever prayed for. He is a strong man of God that I never would have been able to put together on my own. I honestly feel like he is who God made for me.

August came, and everyone went back to school, leaving Matty and I to grow together and spend tons of our time growing and sharing with each other in the Lord. We made new friends and went on TONS of sweet dates and have had the time of our lives. At the end of August we celebrated Matts 25th birthday...then came September :)

With September came My birthday and the beginning of mine and Matthew's journey of being parents...to the most AMAZING little chahuahua EVER!! (he was my birthday present and you can follow his ridiculous adventrues in "Pablo's Adventures')

I have never had a dog of my own before so this has been a wonderful/stressful/bank-breaking time for me, but I have loved every second of it!

Next came October...which is my favorite season of all. FALL!! I love everything football and pumpkins and crisp air and leaves and omg. Everything about FALL :) Matt and I carved pumpkins and went to GA games and continued to grow in our amazing relationship!!

FINALLY...the HOLIDAYS :)

Friends came home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, family came into town and Matty and I celebrated our first Holidays and our 6 Month anniversary.

I can definately say that this year has been the most learned year of my life. I will forever be changed and see the world through different eyes since this year.

God is amazing. Jesus Saves