Night Of Worship

Tonight was the Night of Worship at Blackshear Place and it was probably one of the most amazing thing that I have ever gotten to be a part of. Being as how I am musically inclined anyway, that is definately my favorite way to interact with my Lord! So tonight was soo moving. It definately brought me to tears mulitple times. There was a few songs that they like to add slides to up on the screans and most of them were of God and his cross and you could just see the pain and sorrow in his face. It is so un-imaginable to me that someone could do that for people. Like people he didn't even know. He died to save us. I know that it is something that most people, christian and non alike, have hear millions of times. But to really think about eactly what happend on that day. He knew that we would hurt him and betray him and ignor him and do our own thing most of the time, that we would lie and cheat and do irresponsible things and yet he still said, I love you enough to die for you. I could go on about this for days. God is so beyond amazing.

New Me :)

I started my new job on Tuesday! And I love love love love love it!!!! Seriously to the point that I was off today and it kind of made me sad.

I have kind of always felt like the black sheep in my family. My parents and sister have a very strict path that they want to follow. My dad knew what he wanted to do in middle school, and my mom didn't know exactly what she wanted, but knew that there was only one way to start and that was to go to college. My sister is the same way, she has changed her mind about her career, but not going to actual college was never an option. Me on the other hand...Like to think of myself as a free spirit. ha. I never wanted to go to college and I definately didn't want to be a teacher or a business woman or anything that required just sitting behind a desk. But with two parents that are in education, not going to school wasn't an option for me. So I feel like I definately wasted 4 years of my life at N. Ga. Once they started to see this however, I finally got my way. Under their very weary eye I might add.

They don't really understand and they think that I am just playing and wasting my life, but I have never been so excited about something in my entire life. I went to orientation on Tuesday and got all of my classes. And in the same day, I started my new job at Kathy Adams Salon. I think that one pretty much goes down as the best day of my life so far. I stil can't get over how awesome it is and how excited I am about finally starting my career in exactly what I want to do. Now all I have to do is keep hoping that my parents will learn to take me seriously.

I do want to do this to have fun, but I want to do it for other people as well. I mean serisouly, how amazing do you feel when you leave the salon? You feel like a new you. I want to do that for people. And use my creative mind to do it.

Sooooo- Here's to a new chapter...and a new me :)

Getting Started

In my last post I was talking about how uncertain things have been lately. I have had so many pressures from my parents and friends to grow up and to make "big girl" decisions. Little did they know, you cant really make decisions when there is really no where for you to go. I have been unemployed for a little over a month now, but that doesn't mean that I haven't been filling out applications, and I have done all of my stuff to start school, but I can't really tell the school when to start classes. haha! So basically, I have been stuck in a spot that wasn't going anywhere and all I could do was pray about it and ask God when his time would be right.

Welllllll, good news! My prayers have been answerd. I got a job today! And not only is it a job, it is my dream job with so much room for me to grow! Its at Kathy Adam Salon across from the Mall of Ga and I get to start TOMORROW!! How great is that?! And on top of all of this, my orientation for cosmetology school is tomorrow so I will know when my schedule is and how everything is going to be going.

I really have never been so excited about something in my life. I finally have some direction and how things are going to be able to work out. It has been so frustrating lately going from the freedom of college and being on my own, kinda doing my own thing and then being 23 and moving back home with no job and not going to school. Definately something that makes you feel unproductive and worthless. But things are dfinately starting to look up. I am so excited about my new beginning.

There is only one thing that is still a little depressing. I just really wish my parents would take my future goals in life seriously. They always think that I am just playing around and that all want to do is be artistic and not serisouly pursue a career. But actually that is exactly what I want to do. I want a serious career in my artistic field doing exactly what I want to do. So thats why I'm going to do.

Start a new beginning.

Change of Mind

Change of mind=Change of attitude/situation..

These are words that were just spoken to me by someone that I think is a very wise person. There are just times that simple little words, probably even ones that you have heard so many times can really change the way that you think about your situations. Sometime, all you have to do is just change you mind. Change the way that you think. It doesn't always have to be about changing your whole life, or moving, or getting out of your comfort zone even. It could simply be just changing the way you think. You can just change what you want.

My life has change drastically in the last year. Sometimes I don't even know how to put it all together. I mean, I was always the girl that loved life. I was the one that was surrounded by friends, always in the middle of the drama but had the boyfriend to fall back on so it didn't matter. I was in school, only doing it because thats why my parents wanted, but they were happy so life was good. I thought I had it all together. The main problem was though, that the relationships that I was surrounding myself with were artificial ones and I definately was the farthest away from being in the center of Gods will that I could possibly be. I was living for the moment, I just wanted to guy, and the friends and the beer or whatever drink someone was willing to buy for me and give me some attention. And all within a month, I canged everything. I decided that college wasn't the thing for me...so I moved home. All within that same time, my relationship ended, and I moved away from my friends (the ones that I had been closest to for the last 4 years anyway) and I was not in school...so I wasn't exactly on the top of my parents happy list. I went from having two jobs to none at all. And with that happening, the money that I had never ever hurt for was definatly dwindling. (Right now I am living off of the gift cards that my mom gave me for Christmas. Hmmm)

So now that I am feeling like I am at the very bottom of where I could go. I just decided to CHANGE MY MIND. I am not in a bad place right now, I am simply in a crossroads.

I decided that I was going to apply for cosmetology school. Which I just got into. Because that is the only that I have always had my heart set on doing. And I just got a call for a job interview at a salon around the Mall of Georgia. Things are starting to look up. I have definately made some new friends.::that I would like to say are better (fit) for me.:: And I have started reading trhough the new testimate in the Bible...b/c that is ultimately the only place that you are going to find what Gods will even is. You can't begin the be in the center if you don't even know what you are looking for.

So CHANGE-

Changing my friends, my school, my take on relationships...even my HAIR. (yup, I'm a brunette)

Where is it gonna go?! ((Fear is just a word))

Present? Future?

Here lately I have been feeling unbelievably lost. I know I am a christian...but do you ever question it?? I feel like I ask God over and over again to lead me in his path and for all the direction that he has to offer, but I still feel like I get nowhere. It's also like everytime I try new things...It is only showing me what I do not want to do.

I was a substitute for the first time today, and like I stated earlier, all it did was show me that I DO NOT want to be a teacher. I mean granted I was teaching a BD class with the wildest and most high strung kids that I have ever met, but dealing with young kids and trying to make the cooporate just really isn't my thing. I am definately not a patient person. AT ALL. But I have been out of a job for almost two months now and I have NO money to do anything, even put gas in my car so you gotta go whatever comes along.

I have had a few interviews with Old Navy lately and that seems like it is going to work out, But I just really don't know if that is the place for me. Nothing against them at all but I just don't know that I could be that excited about Old Navy clothes or selling those little credit card things. Along with that, I have started going to the gym soo much lately and I feel like I am doing nothing but getting bigger. Which is extremely frustrating and makes me not want to even go to the gym at all. grrrr.This is just not working out so great for me.

I am not meaning this to sound at all like I am throwing a pity party for myself. I just need some direction, and I dont' know where to find it. Being jobless leads to definately not feeling very productive throughout the day. And not to mention that everytime I turn around I feel like one of my friends is getting married or engaged or in a relationship and I can't seem to find a decent guy to save my life. Everyone that I have been hooked up with lately are only wanting to hang out, drink, and not looking for anything serious. Its pretty much getting a little old.

So the just of this would be the things that I am looking for...
1) Direction/ a job
2) results from my ridiculous workouts
3) Descent people in my life ie. friends, boys

Sooooo guess I'll keep you posted. Hmmmm