ok sooo the fast.

Wellllll,

When going through this fast I definately learned alot... and learned that fact i really don't know anything about myself at all. I have alot to learn. I love life really. But I just don't know what I am going to do. I lost my job through all of this... I'm ok with that because I have been praying about it and it didn't get started off the right way and my dad opened my eyes up recently to the fact that Integrity and Character are the most important things about a person and in the world of knowing someone. Nothing about that job started off like that.

There are things that I have also realized that need to be out of my life. Not to name names...but guys that do nothing but make you really sad on a daily basis, and girls that are nothing but trouble. I have truly learned that I should really take positive steps to making myself happy above anything else. and I will never be happy unless I am making God happy b/c he is the source of all happiness.

I need some romance in my life too...We will see where that goes.

But I have been hanging out with some new loves :)

Day uno

So I started the fast today. I feel great. (besides the fact that I'm starving) ha. But seriously. I would definatley recommend it. I can't wait to see what is going to come out of this intense time with God. And share it with all of you.

There are so many things that I am hoping to get out of this...My main goal however is purity. I want the purity of not only the body but mind, body, and spirit. I want my thoughts to be as pure as my actions. That is why I chose a fast. Cleansing the body and starting anew. I cannot wait to see what the Lord is going the show me in the next few weeks.

There are a few specifics that I would really like for him to speak to me. I just want to take this time to make sure that I am following his complete will for my life and not trying to do anythng on my own. I have definately learned the hard way that is NOT the way to go. Even if it works sometimes...the best results for your happiness and all over well being only lie in God's perfect plan. And in following other blogs i have recently been reminded that spending quiet time with him every day, just speaking to him and in his word is the only way to gain this wisdom. He will speak to you what he wants to you to speak to others, whether this be actually telling people or the way that you live your life. Hence finding out his will and plan. He will tell you how to live so that you may show his grace, mercy, and compassion to people through your words, actions and the way that you live your life.

"Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops." - Matthew 10:27

Speak His will and wisdom at all time, everyday. With your mind, body, and spirit. ♥

...Starting something NEW

I'm really excited and scared all at the same time. I want to start something new. My new diet/workout. My fast. My God time. My friendships. Why did it take me so long to figure all of this out.

Its funny how things work out sometime and where things seem to take you. Now that I have had the relationship that I just had. I now know that I will never be able to settle. I don't know if it will be for that one, but it will be one just like it. You have someone with the total package. Amazing looks. God fearing. nice. Treats you amazingly but always puts God first. Talks to you about Gods things. It was alwasy so different to try and figure out where your conversations would go. But when I was frustrated, he always let me be and then just get over it without really getting mad too. Something that i have never had before.

So with reading that, I'm sure that you will see how I will never again settle for anything else.

Therefore, now that I have gotten my God focus back where it needs to be {{or am working on it daily}} I will now get my body and mind in the same place. I am striving for total purity. Purity in mind spirit and body. I have made many decisions in my quiet time today...I will not drink alcohol anymore. {a glass of wine here and there but nothing more and no beer}. I will not smoke anymore. anything. ever. I am going to start the 21 day fast today and I am fasting from coke {softdrinks} for 21 solid days. I am going to the store tomorrow to buy my vitamins and going to the gym after work everyday this week. Starting there.

I have the job of my dreams, an amazing family, and am finally learning how to be happy with nothing but myself.

Philipians 4:11-13 "I do not tell you this because I need anything. I have learned how to be satified with all things good or bad. I know how to live when I have plenty and when I have nothing. I have learned the secret of being happy in all things and in anything that happens. I have learned how to be happy when I have plenty to eat and when I am hungry and when I have nothing and when I have much. I can do anything through Christ, for he is my strength."

So this is my newness continued...

Funny how the more that I hang out or go back into my old ways the more that I realize how far I actually want to be from that.

God is AWESOME ♥

The NEW:NESS.

Soo, Its a new year and a new decade. What in the world is going to be in store for me? I could not even being to think about it. I thought that I already had everything figured out...quite a few times now. But you see me. Back in the same spot that I was.

Sometimes I just wonder what is going on in Gods great big head? Is he just trying to prove a point? That I can't do it without him. Obviously.

I didn't talk to ev today. I didn't even try to call him. suprising because I have every single day since he left. I am pretty sure that he will always be the biggest regret. You know how everyone has one of those. Not the ones that are bad...but always that one that got away. That I messed up.

Soooo what now. I mean don't get me wrong. I love my life. But I want the love in it. And I am trying to be patient. I want Gods perfect timing. And his perfect will... But sometimes I feel like it is never going to happen, or that maybe he doesn't even have that in his plan for me. I seem to get so attactched to every guy b/c it seems so right at the time... but so far it never works out the way that I plan. When I think about this in perspective I know that means that there is something better. But at the time, it freakin sucks. This last year I have been hear broken and hurt more times then I could even explain... and in the last 10 years, holy cow there are no words. So when is it all going to stop. When is there going to be something new?

Do you think it ever will, or is there a possibility that it has already come and gone and I either missed it or messed it up. Could that happen?

I watched a movie recently... it was talking about things being different.

If you always do what you've always done

Things will always be the way they've aways been

So how do you change what you have always done. When its the only way that you know? Will there be any NEW:NESS in this new year. In this new decade.

hmmmmmmm.