Friday, June 18, 2010

Something blue:: Something new

Can you just become something new?

I want to change everything about what is going on with my life. I want to change everything from my wardrobe to my God time. I need to spend way more time with my God, maybe that is why I am having feelings like this. Why can I not just realize that he wants to spend every second of everyday with me and wants me to be so obsessed with him that its ridiculous. I know that I disappoint him everyday. I wine, I complain, I say things I shouldn't, I think mean thoughts, smoke, drink, don't many things that just need to change. I need to change my habits. I need to start taking my vitamins and getting up at a descent hour. Start working out consistantly and eating better and at better times.

I want to start a prayer journal and see if things really begin to look up in my life and how long it takes. I mean, don't get me life is not that bad. It just could be better and that is alll on me. The only reason its not at it's best is becuase of the choices that I make. I would be skinnier and happier if I didn't drink and made time to workout and took my vitamins like I was supposed to. And I would spend more time with my God if I woke up earlier and got things done. I also have the best friends in the world that know that the decisions in my life right now aren't the best ones that I could be making. Doing things for guys just to get their attention and wanting to hang out and feel needed at any means nessesary. Thats ridiculous.

I am however proud of what I am doing with my life and it can only get better from here. I made pretty good grades in school this term. They could have been better, but they are the best that they have been in a while. And I love my job and have been doing really well there. I am growing and taking on responsibilities...hopefully that will mean more money on my next paychecks- bringing me to the next issue...

Saving money. I wet through all of my savings within the last few months of not making the best paycchecks. I was still living like I was making a ton of money and I definately wasn't. Which also left no room for my tithe. Another thing that I was taking away from God.

Soooo these are the things that need to be changed. Fixed. and Removed.

Good thing I have amazing faith in my God and his love :)

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