The NEW:NESS.

Soo, Its a new year and a new decade. What in the world is going to be in store for me? I could not even being to think about it. I thought that I already had everything figured out...quite a few times now. But you see me. Back in the same spot that I was.

Sometimes I just wonder what is going on in Gods great big head? Is he just trying to prove a point? That I can't do it without him. Obviously.

I didn't talk to ev today. I didn't even try to call him. suprising because I have every single day since he left. I am pretty sure that he will always be the biggest regret. You know how everyone has one of those. Not the ones that are bad...but always that one that got away. That I messed up.

Soooo what now. I mean don't get me wrong. I love my life. But I want the love in it. And I am trying to be patient. I want Gods perfect timing. And his perfect will... But sometimes I feel like it is never going to happen, or that maybe he doesn't even have that in his plan for me. I seem to get so attactched to every guy b/c it seems so right at the time... but so far it never works out the way that I plan. When I think about this in perspective I know that means that there is something better. But at the time, it freakin sucks. This last year I have been hear broken and hurt more times then I could even explain... and in the last 10 years, holy cow there are no words. So when is it all going to stop. When is there going to be something new?

Do you think it ever will, or is there a possibility that it has already come and gone and I either missed it or messed it up. Could that happen?

I watched a movie recently... it was talking about things being different.

If you always do what you've always done

Things will always be the way they've aways been

So how do you change what you have always done. When its the only way that you know? Will there be any NEW:NESS in this new year. In this new decade.

hmmmmmmm.