Tuesday, November 10, 2009

How To Start Over...

So, how do you just learn to let go and start over with your life when you feel that everything you thought was so perfect just seems to all fall apart at one time. I thought that I had everything so figured out and I knew the perfect plan and where my life was going, then all of the sudden out of no where, it is all taken out from under me. I feel like this is just a dream and everything will be ok, but then I wake up and realize that it is the same every single day. I don't know where to pick up and just start over. I try to just let it go and then I only make it half way through the day before I have to break down. Take a step back and start over. And to top it off, this whole day has been raining and dark and ugly. This doesn't help and it is making me so sad. I haven't gotten out of the bed all day. I am so tired of throwing myself this pitty party.

I am a good person. I have a good heart and I know that my life with end up in a god place. But what I don't know is how to make it get there. I put to much faith in other people. And I know that has been part of my problem in where I am right now. I have always had a boyfriend...and I put all of my faith and trust in them to take care of me. I have always put them before my friends and wanted to spend all of my time in their arms. And I know that this is why I am in this position today.

I need to find myself. I don't know where to get started. I want to put my life so far behind me. I want to just let go of my past and all the screwups and hurts and lost friends and loves that have gotten me to this point and just start over. How do I do this.

How do you just let yourself start over like nothing has ever gotten in your way before this point?


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